Have you ever reflected on what the Sun does, all day long? It keeps shining! And it shines equally on the rock and on the flower. Now, the flower opens up and responds to the sun, thus making it possible to form a relationship. And what does the rock do when the sun shines? Nothing! It just sits there and continues to be a rock. Still, that doesn’t make the sun shine any less on the rock. It continues to shine equally but it also knows that it can’t have a relationship with a rock.
Do you get what this metaphor means for the relationships in your life? You need to love everyone but you don’t need to have a relationship with everyone. Yet, some of us tend to attract exactly what we don’t want in our relationships, especially the most intimate ones. Why is that the case? Keep reading and you will find out.
Laws of attraction: Insights into why we attract what we don’t want
Some people end up marrying or living long term with a person that is immature, can’t be trusted, lacks compassion, or simply “doesn’t get me”, i.e. exactly the opposite to a dream partner. I believe one of the main reasons that we attract that kind of situation is merely to see a reflection of trends that we ourselves possess but disown at the same time. We attract what we are. So, if your partner or a friend doesn’t get you, ask yourself if you actually get them? If they lack compassion, is this something that perhaps you yourself lack too? Even if now you do have compassion, there may have been a time in your life where you didn’t, and you are still holding onto active memories that you need to heal in order to gain more insight and self-acceptance. For the more self-acceptance you have, the less you will feel triggered by others.
The second reason why we attract what we don’t want is because we have very rigid and inflexible beliefs, which can create a lot of aversion towards certain tendencies and behaviors. In other words, if you are a “black & white” person with strong principles, chances are you will keep attracting to yourself exactly what you believe to be wrong, bad, unacceptable and inappropriate (according to your own standards). This way, you are given the opportunity to release your aversions, create acceptance and become more neutral and non-attached. One of the natural laws of the Universe is Neutrality. The Universe doesn’t like extremes. So when you hold onto an extreme belief (e.g. “People should be responsible no matter what”), you will be attracting exactly the opposite and there is your chance to create more flexibility and acceptance, which will help you feel happier and healthier. Remember, rigid beliefs lead to arthritis and other similar conditions that rigidify the body. And by the way, “People should be responsible” is neither a good belief to have, nor is it true. People can be whatever they want and that’s none of your business because no one owes you anything. All you need to do is keep shining, like the Sun, and remember that a rock will be a rock regardless of what you do. If you want to take an empowered action, simply choose to have a relationship with a flower but release your opinions about the rock.
The third reason why we come up against what we don’t want is simply so we can grow. If your partner is abusive and you keep going back to them, what is it that you need to learn from that situation in order to grow and move on? Keep asking yourself why you went looking for love in the wrong place. What were you after? What are you still after? Falling in love with the wrong person rarely has anything to do with actual Love and Connection. It’s mostly fear (possibly of being alone), need for approval, need to be useful or needed, need to be looked after, or some other perceived need that make us “fall in love” so we can become blinded by chemicals and keep getting what we think we are missing. Ultimately, maintaining a dysfunctional relationship can be a very selfish act. Even though it may look like we sacrificed our finances, our freedom, and our health, we still did it to get the one thing we are after. Now, keep asking yourself what exactly you were after. Then the next question would be whether you really need it. And finally, if you do need it, could you give it to yourself and how? One thing is sure: a rock won’t give it to you because it doesn’t have anything to give. So keep shining on the rock but go look for a flower to marry.