Whether you are in a relationship or not, and whatever the nature of your relationship is, you have probably felt jealous and/or disrespected at least once in your life. And if you have felt like that at some point, it is likely that you have some self-destructive tendencies, even if they are not playing out right now. So read on, and learn how to empower yourself and look at a potentially disrespectful situation in an entirely new and liberating way.
Mastering the art of self-control in relationships
No matter how much you try to justify jealousy (even in cases where you are being cheated on), it is ALWAYS the lowest feeling one can possibly experience. And if you feel jealous (no matter what the reason is), you ALWAYS lose self-respect.
When you feel jealous, you usually operate on the wrong assumption (kind of like “wishful thinking”) that someone belongs to you, and you therefore want to control what they think, what they want and where they want to be. Now try this on: imagine someone wants to control what you think, what you want and where you want to be. They can try all they want but they won’t ever succeed in controlling your thoughts and desires. Likewise, you can’t control someone else’s thoughts and desires either. And you can never be sure what these are. So instead of trying to achieve the impossible, leave it alone. It is a waste of time and energy.
Instead, focus on your own feelings and try to control them. If you feel jealous, it is usually because you are unsure of yourself. In those moments, remind yourself of your own value. Assert your own qualities and practice self-love. Work on building your confidence and self-esteem. This is both empowering and self-respectful.
At this point you are probably asking “But what if I am being cheated on?” Well, that’s no excuse to feel jealous. Being on the receiving end of infidelity usually brings up your self-esteem issues. That’s why you need to work on your confidence. Because if you don’t, you are likely to end up not only feeling jealous but also tolerating the infidelity (for fear of being left), thus disrespecting yourself even more. Instead, you should simply get out of the relationship (assuming infidelity is not in accordance with your personal values). That’s what any confident person who respects themselves would do.
See, when there is infidelity most people demonstrate lack of self-respect on both accounts – they get super jealous AND they stay in the relationship. But that’s not productive and doesn’t help you achieve anything. When someone is cheating on you, don’t take it personally. Empower yourself by asserting your own value, refuse to feel jealous, and simply get out of the relationship. Taking personal responsibility for your feelings and for your actions demonstrates a high level of self-respect and is the only behavior that can help you achieve a positive outcome.
Remember: If you want a good relationship, you work on the relationship. If you want a great relationship, you work on yourself!