Do you often feel resentful about various aspects of your life? Having to return phone calls you don’t want to make, turning up to dinners you’d rather skip, talking to people you can’t stand, and working a job that you hate? The solution to all that resentment that you are feeling is simple – you would feel less resentful if you became more committed. Read this article to find out how.
Commitment is the best antidote for resentment
We all attract situations we like to complain about – situations that drain our physical energy, disturb our emotional equilibrium and waste our money. How many times have you had to listen to someone’s problems out of obligation? How unhappy are you about some of your relationships? Does your partner annoy you because they are not tidy, they are irresponsible, they don’t earn enough, they are not sophisticated enough, they eat too much, they drink too much, and they don’t care about your feelings? How many times have you complained about all the things you resent, and to how many people? How long have you played the role of a legitimate victim, feeling righteous and drinking your own poison?
Even if it only happens to you occasionally, it is time you learnt how to deal with the resentment. It’s time you took control.
So let’s say you are in a relationship you are not happy about. Your partner is moody, they get angry and they criticize you a lot. You know it won’t change – it has already been going on long enough for you to have worked out as much. So what do you do to turn things around and transform your own experience? Quite simply – you commit! You commit 100% to either getting out of the relationship or staying in the relationship. Commitment is making a conscious choice today about which way you want to go, and putting your mind, your soul and your heart where your words are. By now you have enough information and you know what you are in for. Importantly, if you choose to stay in the relationship (which is a perfectly valid choice) you automatically lose the right to complain. But don’t despair! The good news is that when you consciously choose a situation and you commit to it 100%, resentment no longer fits in energetically. If you continue to complain and stay in the victim mentality, it means you are not committed. You are half way in, half way out. Commit! You are either in, or you are out. Either way, your commitment will dissolve your resentment and open the door to happiness.
Now, what if you are facing a situation you have no prior information about? How do you consciously choose something without knowing the outcome? Quite simply you commit again! You commit to the process, not to the outcome. If you have to have a conversation with your boss about your work load, commit to the conversation while releasing the attachment to a particular outcome. Again, with your commitment made, you lose the right to complain. And sure enough, if you are 100% committed to the process, resentment never arises. Whether you win or you lose, you did what you committed yourself fully to doing and that is enough to make you feel happy and content. If you feel less than happy, you should know you were not 100% committed to the process, and you were probably attached to a particular outcome.
Commitment is declaring to the world that you choose something with your mind, your soul and your heart. Importantly though, it is a moment by moment act of choosing. Only because you committed to something today, doesn’t mean you have to commit to it again tomorrow. You can re-evaluate your commitment based on your instincts, intuition, logic, knowledge already gained and lessons already learnt. But until you make a new commitment, you need to stick to the commitment already made 100%. Remember, resentment can only creep in in the absence of full commitment. So don’t be wishy-washy. Be committed, moment by moment, every step of the way. For commitment is the only thing that can save you from resentment.