Do you have a favorite “story of my life” scenario linked to some persistent struggle? Some area in your life where you feel unlucky or even cursed, e.g. love, money, family, friendships, career, health, addictions? In this article, I explain how your struggle can help you identify your innate talents and how you can use them to turn your curse into a blessing.
Where does happiness come from?
We all suffer a “chronic” struggle in our life: deep fear or anxiety, constant anger, procrastination, envy, depression, scarcity reality, bad timing, missed opportunities, rejection issues, feeling unlucky in love, alcoholism, workaholism… These (and many more) are all related to a deep perception of some sort of insufficiency or lack: lack of love, lack of appreciation, lack of attention, lack of wealth, lack of health, lack of food, lack of knowledge, lack of security, lack of justice, etc. And that deep (and, most importantly, deeply distorted) perception of insufficiency drives us into situations where we feel almost cursed: we can never find someone to connect with deeply, we can never have enough money, we are frequently depressed, we always struggle with our boss at work, we can’t control our anger… (Feel free to fill in the dots with “the story of your life”, i.e. your “favorite” recurring struggle from the past 10-20 years of life experience.)
Now, were we borne that way? Yes and no. Are we doomed to continue that way? Again – yes and no. You know that there are always two sides to the medal, right? And that the two sides are the exact opposites. In other words, if you are looking at Anger on one side of the medal, Serenity is on the other; if you are looking at Alcoholism on one of the sides, Sobriety is on the other; and if you are facing Procrastination on one side, you will invariably meet Decisive Action on the other side.
Importantly, we all carry at least one such medal with us, where the dualistic split of reality is taken to an extreme. Even more importantly, both sides of the medal are present in us simultaneously. In other words, the curse and the blessing are both there, at all times. As babies we normally connect to the “positive” side of the medal and we tend to spend more time feeling blessed. Then something goes wrong (i.e. life happens), and we turn to face the other side of the medal while starting to feel “cursed”. Most important of all, your “curse” is actually a clue as to what natural talent and what innate strength you were born with.
Thus, fearful people have the greatest capacity for courage because fear and courage are on the two sides of the medal. Similarly, angry people have the greatest capacity for serenity, while vain people as well as pathological liars have the greatest capacity for authenticity; and alcoholics, of course, have the greatest capacity for sobriety.
Indeed, our blessing is our curse, but our curse is also our blessing. In other words, the curse and the blessing exist simultaneously and are two different ways of looking at the same thing. Importantly, there is a third force that needs to come into play here, if we are to tap into our innate potential for transformation and to connect with our internal capacity for greatness and happiness. This third force is frequently referred to as the Higher Self, or the Observer (some call it God), and embodies our ability to neutralize opposites by integrating them into one whole. So think of your angry self as a small self, and think of your serene self as another small self of yours. Now invoke your higher self and start to observe both of your small selves in a neutral, detached, non-judgemental way. In that moment, as you acknowledge and allow for the conflicting opposites to co-exist and gradually merge, you are collapsing a dualistic split into one whole, and right there you have access to options, possibilities and choice as to who you want to be and how you would like to respond to life situations.
Now, how do you actually invoke your higher self in practical terms? First, get some help through therapy (this may be optional for some). Next, go home and help yourself through meditation, contemplation and introspection practices (that’s a must for all of us). Third, don’t expect results overnight, and don’t think that if you got it today, you have it for life. It’s a process. Your smaller selves want it now, and want it all. But your higher self already has it all. So when you get worked up and impatient, go back to meditation, contemplation and introspection, i.e. connect with the higher self which already knows that you have everything in you to overcome the very thing that stops you from being all that you can be. Indeed, God doesn’t give you a challenge that you can’t deal with by resorting to your own internal resources only. So just look deep inside of yourself for happiness come from within.