Why are we often so desperate to surround ourselves with like-minded people? And why do we get agitated when the people around us turn out to be not so “like-minded”? Does life indeed get better when the people that surround us are on the same page as us? These are the questions I try to answer below.
Who needs like-minded people?
Like-minded people and not so like-minded ones: it turns out they are all alike! And they all reflect us! If you are comfortable with the like-minded ones, it’s because they reflect the part of you that you like and own. The discomfort that the not so like-minded people give you comes from the fact that they reflect the part of you that you don’t like and you disown.
So whenever you desperately try to avoid the company of people who are not like-minded, you need to pause ask yourself what is going on. The answer is simple but very important. We see in others everything we don’t want to see in ourselves. Thus, avoiding people that are not like-minded is avoiding being with ourselves, or rather with the part of us that we haven’t recognized yet. We easily say “I won’t play with you because you are not like me” (the dictator in the role of a victim). But the world doesn’t exist objectively – it is always a product of who we are. So if we don’t like it, we shouldn’t try to change it, avoid it, or ignore it. We should turn within and get to know ourselves instead. If we approach this task with complete honesty, we will find that what’s within is exactly the same as what we see outside of us (whether we like it or not). And if we don’t like the projection, then we have some internal work to do.
Yes, it is easier to live among like-minded people. But it is by far more enlightening to live with (apparently) not so like-minded ones. The former type lulls you into a deceptive bliss. The latter type reflects your own shadow – the part you need to illuminate, recognize and transform.